Enhancing Ontological Security and Adaptive Resilience

By Alan Sieler

Our existential challenge

In worrying and troublesome times, we can find ourselves struggling to live well. Too many aspects of our lives can seem burdensome as we continually find ourselves challenged to effectively cope with a range of life circumstances that we are not equipped to deal with. While experiencing difficulties from time to time is a normal part of the human condition, continually feeling ourselves struggling and on the edge of overwhelm, somehow barely managing to “keep up”, is not how we are meant to live. The book title In Over Our Heads can be an apt expression of what might be our current overall life experience and those of people we know.

Without realising it, in addition to such moods as anxiety, resentment and resignation, we can be living from a mood of “hysterical industriousness” in which we continually feel “on the go”, going from one thing to another, barely pausing to breathe, in survival mode, driven to accomplish things, be impressive and look good in the eyes of others. We can become habituated to a pace of life that is not good for our long-term mental, emotional and physiological wellbeing. At a fundamental biological level, our sympathetic nervous system is on overdrive and our parasympathetic nervous system is not nourished and nurtured. This can have become a permanent manner of living.

Even if we are fortunate to be financially and materially comfortable, without realising it we can living in in an existential prison. We may have subtly learned to live from an impoverished meaning of life, believing that there is a limited range of possibilities available to us in how we can deal with present circumstances and create our future. 

What is at stake in all of this is our Ontology – our very being and the nature of our existence. Unfortunately, we may have unintentionally developed a Way of Being that does not serve us for living well in our current historical times. We may continually feel a victim of what is occurring, repeatedly being thrown off balance and too easily destabilised, continually on the back foot. 

What can be missing is knowing how to develop a more robust and resourceful Way of Being that will: 

1. position us to be much more effective in dealing with the various life circumstances that come our way; and 

2. enable us to find an enriched framework of meaning from which to make sense of the world and set a foundation for creating a better future. 

This can be regarded as our fundamental existential challenge, which is an ontological challenge that can be expressed as enhancing ontological security. 

Ontological security

Given the nature of what is occurring in the world, safety and security have become prominent aspects of our concerns.  The term “ontological security” can sound appealing, and it is important to emphasise that enhancing ontological security is not a quick fix. Essentially it is a learning process by which we gradually come to be aware of aspects of our Way of Being that compromise our capacity to be more in charge of our lives. 

The bottom line is that through continual ontological learning we can move towards being more self-authoring and self-transforming in our Way of Being, in which become much more resourceful to adjust and adapt to continually changing situations, many of which we do not anticipate and catch us unawares. 

Let’s take a closer look at the notion of ontological security before we look at how we can enhance this for ourselves. This will initially be done by referring to a section of chapter three of Volume I of Coaching to the Human Soul: Ontological Coaching and Deep Change.

"In Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience", psychologist Mihaly Csikszenthmihalyi stresses the importance of experiencing a sense of “inner order” in satisfactorily engaging with the world. He refers to a lack of inner order as “ontological anxiety, or existential dread”, which he describes as a fear of being; a feeling that there is no meaning to life and that existence is not worth going on with. 

"A sense of inner order is ontological security, in which we experience a solid, assured and secure sense of self. For psychiatrist R. D. Laing [in The Divided Self], ontological security is security in one’s own being and one’s place in the world, which can also be regarded as self-assuredness and a deep inner confidence. (This is not to be confused with arrogance.) At the core of this confidence and assuredness is a fundamental belief that we will be able to cope with whatever circumstances arise. This does not mean that we will not be thrown off balance from time to time by unexpected events and circumstances. However, from a fundamental position of ontological security we are able to deal with the unexpected, recover a sense of balance in life, learn from our experiences, and constructively and productively move on. In other words, we are adaptively resilient." 

More specifically, ontological security includes the following:

• being self-assured;

• being confident, but not overly so;

• believing in your own ability;

• willingness to learn;

• having humility, but not being self-deprecating;

• short-lived self-doubt that provides a learning experience and prompts reflection about potential improvement;

• being authentic –in touch with your own values and principles and rarely compromising these, and making an appropriately firm stand on what is important;

• being autonomous – being one’s own person with a high degree of self-reliance but also willing to rely on others and be vulnerable; and

• belief in your own dignity, worthiness and legitimacy. 

In short, ontological security means being “at home” in our own being, comfortable in our own skin and being our own best friend. 

It is important to emphasise that ontological security does not occur in a vacuum. Our Way of Being exists in the wider cultural-historical context of our society and culture. We are likely to feel that our beingness, learning and change is supported by the stories and narratives that are integral to the culture, which may be a combination of family, ethnic, religious, gender, national, social class and work-related narratives. 

Before we leave this section, it is important again to expand on the point that developing enhanced ontological security is not a quick fix. It may be tempting to regard ontological security as a goal – something to be aimed for and attained that we can accomplish by learning a set of skills, tools and techniques. We are, however, highly unlikely ever attain the nirvana of pure ontological security. 

In what may seem to be a contradictory perspective, there is nothing to be reached or attained, other than to learn how to be a continual ontological learner. The possibility of enhancing ontological security is a manner of living and being. In particular, it is a process of learning to observe how we relate with our individual selves in our Way of Being, and being eternally curious about what we can identify as opportunities to make small, and sometimes larger, shifts in our Way of Being. In this process we engage in generative learning, which means continually self-generating shifts in our often deeply ingrained perceptual and behavioural habits. Through generative learning  we gradually become a more powerful Observer, entering into an existential space of being self-authoring and self-transforming.

Becoming a different and more powerful Observer

Before outlining the notion of “powerful Observer”, let’s first look at the concept of being an Observer, which was developed in the discipline Biology of Cognition. 

Being an Observer

To be human is to be an Observer. To be an Observer does not mean being passive. To be human is to be what is referred to as an “engaged actor” – someone who is involved in creating a life and actively participating in how and what they observe. So, as an Observer, a person is continually active in making their own life and what constitutes the world for them.

What comprises the world for us is what we observe, and what we observe is driven by how we observe. Coming to grips with how we observe can be understood by practically appreciating and applying key ideas that have been developed by two significant and profound 20th century thinkers, one from the discipline of existential philosophy and the other from the discipline biology of cognition. For those familiar with the intellectual roots of Ontological Coaching, I am of course referring to German philosopher Martin Heidegger and Chilean biologist Humberto Maturana (in conjunction with his colleague Francesco Varela).

The extraordinarily powerful thinking of Heidegger, Maturana and Varela can be summarized in a wisdom statement from The Talmud:

“We do not see how things are. We see things as we are.” 

While this statement refers to the sense of sight, it equally refers to sound, taste, touch and smell. To observe is to make sense of life and the world from all our senses. In other words, to create our own meaning.

A crucial point to understand, is that we can only observe from what is already within us. What we observe is the meaning we make of things and we can only observe from the meaning that is already within us. Heidegger coined the expression “always, already” to refer to how the world is for us is always and already within us, based on how we habitually engage in life. Whenever we encounter a situation, we have some already familiarity with it based on the history of our learning experiences. 

Maturana and Varela have shown that we are “structurally determined living systems”. This significance of this is that the meaning of the world we live from is primarily determined by the meaning that already exists within us. As an integral part of our biology, the nervous system is responsible for our perception and behaviour and is where learning and change happens. Based on the history of our experiences and the learning we have taken from these, our nervous system, with its literally billions of neurons (nerve cells), has developed an amazingly intricate and complex structure of millions, if not billions, of neural connections. These biological connections constitute the fundamental meaning from which we inevitably live and observe from. Learning occurs when there are new neural connections.

Our potential to be a different Observer

Writing in German, Heidegger stated that a person is seinkönnen, which translates as an ability-to-be or potentiality-for-being. Expressed in another way, each person is a possibility - for themselves and for others. Another German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche wrote that we are not just human beings but also human becomings.

Maturana and Varela provided invaluable biological substance to these philosophical perspectives by emphasising the plasticity of the nervous system, which is its brilliant capacity to change itself through the self-creation of new neural connections. This capacity is something that is within each of us – it is a biological given. The notion of plasticity is superbly shown in the book The Brain that Changed Itself.

Being a possibility means that we can transcend our current set of circumstances, biases and unhelpful habits – to go beyond then to explore, discover and embody different Ways of Being that better serve us. Sometimes we can make this significant existential shift for ourselves. And sometimes we require support, perhaps through doing a course or talking with someone we respect – a friend, a mentor and sometimes a counsellor or a coach.

What would it be like to consider yourself as someone who is continually a possibility – for yourself and for others? Would it seem arrogant, big-headed, having an inflated opinion of yourself? What fundamentally different belief do you want to have about being a possibility? How about writing that on a piece of paper? 

Being a more powerful Observer

The words “power” and “powerful” can have negative connotations for some people, with power being regarded as “power over” others, being dominant and overbearing, negating others and their possibilities in life.

An ontological perspective on power is that is exactly the same as a dictionary description, which is “the ability or capacity to do something or act in a particular way”. Expressed in another way, power is the ability to take more effective action.

Ontologically speaking, the spirit of power is not about having power over people in a negative sense, but having “power to …”, “power with” and “power for …”- all for the benefit of self and others. Another way of expressing this spirit is being “constructively influential”.

This ontological perspective on power can be coupled with the words “freedom” and “liberating”. Engaging in different experiences can enhance our learning, and therefore expand our awareness of possibilities and opportunities for how we can participate in life, liberating us from the existential prison of our habitual ways of perceiving, thinking and behaving. The expression of “stepping into your power”, which you may have heard, is aligned with the ontological spirit of power.

Becoming a more powerful Observer inevitably means a constant willingness to engage in ontological learning – learning to be aware of your Way of Being and how to make gradual shifts. Expressed in another way, cultivating ontological awareness, as the means to self-generating ontological shifts. This results in the self-creation of new perspectives, possibilities and opportunities and a different way of living.

The key question that automatically flows from the possibility of becoming a more powerful Observer is – “How?”. How do we make such a change? What sort of learning is crucial to engage in?

Becoming a more powerful Observer: a path to enhancing ontological security

One of the important principles of Ontological Coaching is that, “You cannot change what you do not observe”. Ontological Coaching specialises in observing Way of Being, not only the Way of Being of others but also ourselves. 

A potentially very effective path to enhancing ontological security is through Ontological Self-Coaching. This means learning to closely observe what is happening in the three existential domains that comprise our Way of Being – language, emotions and body. Here are some questions that can support you to engage in this ontological process.

STEP ONE

1. Think of a current difficult and problematic situation you are dealing with. Something it would be great to make progress with.

Language

2. Be prepared to send five minutes or more writing as exactly as you can word-for-word what you are saying to yourself in your silent conversation about this situation. The potential benefit of doing this is that you “get out of your head” and get a different perspective from seeing the words written – external to you.

Emotions

3. What emotions are you experiencing about this situation? Write the emotions and moods you identify underneath what you have written for the previous point? Be prepared to stay with this as it is not always easy to name what is going on with us emotionally. 

Body/physiology

4. What is happening in your physiology – what do you notice about how you have positioned your posture, what are you aware of with your muscle tension and how are you breathing? Perhaps look in the mirror. Make notes on this.

Doing the above four points will provide you with a brief snapshot of your current Way of Being. Now let’s explore and experiment with a possible shift in your Way of Being that may be beneficial and assist you become more resourceful in dealing with this situation.

STEP TWO

Language

5. Read through what you have written and be curious about your choice of words. Underline the individual words and sets of words that strike you as interesting choices. Now experiment with changing some or all of the underlined words. What difference does it make when you do this? What possibility are you able to observe that was not here previously?

Emotions

6. What changes with your emotions and moods when you change some words? How helpful will these emotions be? What other emotions and moods will also be more helpful?

Body/physiology

7. How does your postural arrangement, muscle tension and breathing change with different emotions? What other small shifts could you make with your posture, muscle tension and breathing to be in a more helpful mood and to speak more constructively to yourself? 

8. Having made these adjustments in your Way of being, what is different for you in how you will deal with this situation?

Of course, this is a very brief glimpse about what is possible from engaging in ontological learning, making a small shift in your Way of Being, perhaps discovering power that was already within you and moving towards being more self-authoring.

You can build on whatever learning has been happening for you in reading this article by going to the Ontological Coaching Institute website at https://www.ontologicalcoaching.com.au/. Here you find many free resources in the way of audio and video recordings and more than 100 articles on different aspects of the ontological approach to coaching, leadership, business improvement and personal development - https://www.ontologicalcoaching.com.au/resources. There is also a section on each of the four volumes of Coaching to the Human Soul: Ontological Coaching and Deep Change

https://www.ontologicalcoaching.com.au/books. And finally, there are details about the courses we run https://www.ontologicalcoaching.com.au/coach-training

Notes

1  Robert Kegan, In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life.

2 The sympathetic nervous system is that part of the autonomic nervous system that places us on alert and positions us to respond to dangerous or stressful situations. In these situations, the sympathetic nervous system activates to speed up your heart rate, deliver more blood to areas of your body that need more oxygen or other responses to help your get out of danger.

The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), also known as the "rest and digest" system, is a division of the autonomic nervous system that promotes relaxation, energy conservation, and activities that help the body recover and restore.

3 It is important to add a qualifying comment here. Sometimes difficult life circumstances arise from social inequality and social injustice and it is not all about the person lifting themselves up by their bootstraps. While not denying we all have the potential to do more to help ourselves, social system support is also essential in a range of different circumstances.  

4 Rabbi Shemuel ben Nachmani, as quoted in the Talmudic tractate Berakhot (55b.)

5 Norman Doidge, The Brain That Changes Itself.